Steven Wright Quotes
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. - Steven Wright
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I said No, I made a few mistakes.
- Steven Wright
When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, 'I want my daughter back by 8:15.' I said, 'The middle of August? Cool!'
- Steven Wright
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, Well, what do you need?
- Steven Wright
What a nice night for an evening.
- Steven Wright
We have run the hydro system harder than it was supposed to be run this year.
- Steven Wright
Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, so. What did you think?
- Steven Wright
The uncertainty is petrol prices.
- Steven Wright
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney.
- Steven Wright
The statue is permanently out of place in my house.
- Steven Wright
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