Bill Engvall Quotes

I go 'what is it?' And she goes 'we're going on a shark feeding frenzy!' Okay, wait... we're in a boat looking down in the water? 'No, that's the best part! We're in the water with the sharks!' And I go 'have you lost your mind???' - Bill Engvall

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I thought 'RV' stood for 'Recreational Vehicle.' No! It stands for 'Ruins Vacations.' - Bill Engvall

My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that...discretionary gene yet. We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was...gifted. I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, 'Dude, shut up.' She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes 'God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?' And all I could say was 'Yeah, I did!' - Bill Engvall

Jeff Foxworthy Show. - Bill Engvall