Bill Bryson Quotes


You can always tell a Midwestern couple in Europe because they will be standing in the middle of a busy intersection looking at a wind-blown map and arguing over which way is west. European cities, with their wandering streets and undisciplined alleys, drive Midwesterners practically insane. - Bill Bryson


When you tell an Iowan a joke, you can see a kind of race going on between his brain and his expression. - Bill Bryson


When I was growing up I used to think that the best thing about coming from Des Moines was that it meant you didn't come from anywhere else in Iowa. By Iowa standards, Des Moines is a mecca of cosmopolitanism, a dynamic hub of wealth and education . . . - Bill Bryson


We have been chosen... by fate or providence or whatever you wish to call it. As far as we can tell, we are the best there is. We may be all there is. It's an unnerving thought that we may be the living universe's supreme achievement and its worst nightmare simultaneously. - Bill Bryson


We are so used to the notion of our own inevitability as life's dominant species that it is hard to grasp that we are only here because of timely extraterrestrial bangs and other random flukes. - Bill Bryson


Up to a third of bundling couples found themselves presented with a permanent souvenir of the occasion. - Bill Bryson


To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you. . . . They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect. - Bill Bryson


To an American the whole purpose of living, the one constant confirmation of continued existence, is to cram as much sensual pleasure as possible into one's mouth more or less continually. Gratification, instant and lavish, is a birthright. - Bill Bryson


There are things you just can't do in life. You can't beat the phone company, you can't make a waiter see you until he's ready to see you, and you can't go home again. - Bill Bryson


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